


Can This Time Be Any Different?

by steampunkcircus



Series: Felix Month 2019 [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Curses, Felix Month, Felix Month 2019, First Kiss, M/M, Nelix, Reincarnation, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 16:10:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19771768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steampunkcircus/pseuds/steampunkcircus
Summary: Chat Noir falls in love with Ladybug. This has always been, and always will be.Unless...Felix has a choice to make to protect Nino, his Ladybug, for all his future lives.Alternate title “Binaries”





	Can This Time Be Any Different?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Felix Month's day 11 prompt, "First Kiss" with Nelix. Because Nelix.

Not every force in the universe has a polar opposite. Most don't, in fact. But there are a few binaries that exist in balance with each other, weaving the fabric of the universe with their give and take.

Life and Death.

Black and White.

Order and Chaos.

Luck and Misfortune.

Creation and Destruction.

Long ago, a few powerful magicians learned how to unbalance a few of these pairs. They could shape the world around them.

But there were always consequences.

* * *

"Who are you?"

The voice made Nino jump. He turned around, but he didn't see anyone in the darkness of the Paris rooftops.

"I'm, uh-" Nino looked down at his superhero outfit. "Red Luck."

A shadow darted around and over the roofs until someone in dark black with large, glowing eyes was crouched on the chimney above him.

"You're my other half."

Nino took a step back to see the stranger better. All he could make out in the moonlight was his outline; hunched shoulders, thrashing tail, points of hair in the shape of cat ears.

"Who are you, then?"

He dropped in front of Nino, standing to his full height. "I'm Black... Tiger."

Nino tried to suppress a chuckle. "You sticking with that?"

He shrugged. "Let me know if you come up with something better." He kicked backwards at the chimney, but misremembered how far back it was, and fell on his butt when it didn't catch his weight.

"Catastrophe sounds like a good name for you," Nino said, biting his lip not to smile.

He glared at Nino for a second, then cocked his head to the side, considering. "I hate why you suggested it, but I actually love the name. My power is to destroy things. It seems appropriate. Plus, I like puns."

Nino smiled. "I'm glad you like it, Catastrophe. So, what's this 'other half' stuff about?"

"We're partners. We're here to balance each other, protect each other."

They would grow to learn that protection comes in many forms.

* * *

Ladybug and Chat Noir are two points on a spectrum. They represent the far ends of the extremes. But in reality, they're just two souls, saddled with burdens bigger than they can be expected to carry.

* * *

"You missed patrol last night," Red Luck said when Catastrophe bounced into his field of view.

"I'm sorry about that. I lost track of time. I was researching. Researching us, actually."

"Us?" The two started running their patrol route, checking dark alleys and other trouble spots in the city as they went.

"All the Ladybugs and Chat Noirs before us. Did you know, we're actually reincarnated? We were destined to have these miraculous. They were ours before, and will be ours again after we die."

"Reincarnated? Like, past lives, and getting a new body, but the same soul each time?"

"Basically. And it sounds like our personalities change a bit each time, but some core piece of us is tied to our miraculous."

"That's so cool!" Red Luck wrapped his arm around Catastrophe's waist to swing them across a gap between roofs too wide to jump comfortably. "What else did you find out?"

Catastrophe pulled away from his partner a little more quickly than normal when they landed. "Not... not a lot. Bits and pieces."

"Super cool, dude. Let me know if you find out anything else that's cool about past-us."

"Of course."

* * *

Every Ladybug and every Chat Noir have fallen in love with each other. Every pair has the same two souls, at the core, so it's only natural that they would find each other again, love each other again.

* * *

"Why did you _do_ that?" Red Luck demanded, pressing his Lucky Charm, a towel, against the gaping wound in Catastrophe's upper leg.

"Because I love you, you idiot!" he hissed.

Now that they knew they had lived the lives of heroes before, sometimes Felix or Nino could feel a sense of deja vu in their interactions. Not deja vu, exactly. It felt more like a memory.

In this case, a battle had gone poorly. One had tried to sacrifice himself for the other. They had both barely escaped with their lives.

"Well, I love you, too, jerk!" Red Luck shouted back.

Like falling into a memory.

* * *

Felix had done thorough research on his many pasts and those of his partner's. The pattern, the painful truth, had made itself apparent after a while. Once he saw it, he couldn't un-see it. After that moment, his only goal was finding a way to exit this loop and save them both.

Or, if he couldn't do that, to save his partner.

* * *

"Are we really doing this?" Catastrophe whispered. His arms were wrapped around himself, and he was biting his lip.

"I'd really like to," Red Luck said. "I love you. I want to know all of you, and I want you to know all of me."

"And... then what?"

Red Luck blinked, eyebrows drawing together and bunching his mask. "And... and then we can be together. In or out of the mask."

"Then I have something to tell you, first. We can't-" He cut himself off, drawing in on himself tighter, smaller.

"What?" Red Luck held out his hands, and Catastrophe snatched them up, squeezing tight. "You can tell me anything, ask me for anything."

"I don't think you'll like this, though." He glanced up from their hands, meeting Red Luck's eyes. The look he received gave him the courage to speak. "I don't want to kiss. Not on the lips. Anything else, I'm okay with." He gave a tiny smile. "I'm looking forward to what 'anything else' turns out to be, actually." He squeezed Red Luck's hands again. "Say something. Is that too much? If you want to think it over, we don't have to reveal tonight. We can wait until-"

A flash of pink light cut him off.

"Hi," detransformed Red Luck said, taking Catastrophe's hands again. "I'm Nino Lahiffe. I love you. If not kissing is something you need, then we won't kiss."

Catastrophe took in his words for a minute. This was Nino. Nino loved him. This time, the echoes of their past selves served to amplify his feelings. He was loved. He was full of love to give to this man. And every past Ladybug and every past Chat Noir had loved each other. The weight of loving millennia worth of Ladybugs was overwhelming and beautiful.

He dropped his transformation.

“Hi. I’m Felix Agreste. I love you. And your love is more than I could ever deserve.”

Nino stepped forward and slowly lowered his face until their foreheads touched. Their eyes closed, their breathing intermingled, their noses brushed each other.

And it was as beautiful as every time before.

* * *

Somewhere along the line, something had happened to the two souls known as Ladybug and Chat Noir. This was because their souls were both committed to one side of a different polar pair: Good over Evil. And Evil had found a way to hinder the pair.

In simple terms, it was a curse.

* * *

“Do you know, last night I had _another_ nosy book club lady ask why she’s never seen us kiss?”

Felix set his coffee and Nino’s tea on the nightstand of Nino's dorm and crawled into his bed, appreciating the warmth that always came with being in Nino’s arms. Nino's classes didn't start for another hour, and Felix's were almost done for the day.

“As if that’s even the oddest thing about us,” Nino muttered, burying his face in Felix’s sweater.

“Do you regret agreeing to it?”

Nino felt Felix tense. He pulled back, blinking sleepy eyes at him. “Agreeing not to kiss?” Felix nodded. “Nah. It took some getting used to, or whatever, but there are so many other ways we show we love each other. I would give up the world to make sure you feel safe and happy and comfortable with me, dude. I would just plain give up the world for you.”

Felix slid to sit up against the headboard and reached for his coffee. As he lifted the cup, the lid popped off and the cylinder of the cup squashed in on itself, forcing hot coffee up and out of the cup, onto Felix's hand.

Felix swore and scrambled out of bed, quickly running to the bathroom down the hall to soothe his hand with cold water. “If I can stay strong enough, you will never have to give up anything for me again," he whispered, knowing Nino wouldn't hear him.

* * *

From the moment the curse went into effect, one of the duo, in each incarnation, would be plagued with bad luck. The only thing that could break the curse was their first kiss. The longer the cursed partner went without that kiss, the worse their luck got.

But each first kiss only banished the curse until they were reborn.

* * *

Felix hadn't expected this. The pit in his stomach told him that he should have expected it. But he hadn't, for some reason.

"Dude. An answer would be nice."

Felix's eyes snapped back to Nino kneeling in front of him with a ring in a box in his hand. He couldn't speak. He couldn't breathe.

Nino must have seen the panic in his eyes because he set the ring on the coffee table and sat next to him on the couch. "You can say that you're not ready yet. That's okay. I'm never going to have a problem going at your speed."

Felix covered his mouth with one hand and gripped Nino's shirt with the other, not caring that it would wrinkle. He turned into Nino and sobbed.

"I'm sorry," Nino whispered, his arms circling Felix. "I thought you wanted this, too."

He couldn't bring himself to tell Nino that it was all he wanted. He couldn't bring himself to say that the moment he had moved to kneel before him, he could see their life together and their future. He couldn't bring himself to say that if he had all that, if he let himself have what every other Char Noir had taken for granted, there was no way he wouldn't slip up and kiss him.

All Felix could manage was, "I'm sorry."

Their whispered "I'm sorry"s continued until late in the night.

* * *

Felix, like every Chat Noir, would do anything to protect his Ladybug. When he found out about the curse, he was given a new purpose in life.

_The curse must die with me_ , he decided.

* * *

Seconds after Nino woke the next morning, he knew something was wrong.

It wasn't that Felix wasn't in bed. Felix was an early riser.

It wasn't that anything was missing or misplaced in the bedroom, from what he could see.

But something was wrong.

Nino pulled on a hoodie over his pajamas and went to the kitchen. The snow outside was bright and fluffy. The kitchen was semi-clean. The living room was cluttered (mostly with books).

The coffee maker wasn't on.

It hadn't been used at all since the day before, judging by the cool heating element and dry, clean pot.

Nino didn't try to lie to himself that Felix was probably out getting coffee from the place down the street. He started looking for the note. Because of course, Felix would leave a note before running.

He found it on the end table next to the couch, on a copy of Felix's favorite book, under the box holding the ring.

The note was brief. It explained exactly nothing. Felix was gone because he proposed, and Nino would bet almost anything that he wasn't coming back.

Nino sat on the couch and ran a finger around the edge of one of his earrings. What had gone wrong? Weren't they soulmates? Literal, reincarnated soulmates?

He didn't cry, because he knew the story wasn't over.

* * *

Bad luck has a purpose in life. But too much of it, like too much of anything else, leads to a miserable life.

* * *

Felix had taken very little with him when he left. By the time he had gotten out of the country, he had even less, having been mugged.

He was alone. All he wanted was Nino. And the only thing he couldn't have was Nino.

He set up a small shop in a small village and performed small acts of magic, making a trade as a run of the mill magician. He was known for his efficiency and tendency to accrue injuries while he worked.

He was known for being lonely.

* * *

Nino tried to move on. At first, it was to spite Felix. He boxed up all his things and donated or recycled them and looked at the empty spaces with a mixed feeling of pride and anger.

Then he tried to move on because he knew Felix was doing what he thought was best for his Ladybug because he knew Felix would want him to try.

He never seemed to reach some magical point where it didn't hurt that his Catastrophe of a man was gone. Without his other half, he was still a person unto himself, full and complete. Light is still light in the absence of shadows. But that doesn't mean the light doesn't long for the dark.

He was lonely.

* * *

Felix's apartment building caught fire three times. He got every cold that went around the town, no matter the precautions he took. His identity was stolen. He broke bones from small falls, he was robbed, mugged, his store vandalized, he got parking tickets no matter how careful he was.

And every moment, he missed Nino, his Ladybug, his partner, Red Luck.

None of it was enough for him to return to Nino. None of it was enough to make him ask for the kiss that would save him.

But some days, it was enough to make him stare at his phone, the number in place and his thumb hovering above the “call” button.

* * *

Nino was picking his son up from the school bus when he got the call.

“Mr. Lahiffe?”

Like that morning when Felix was gone, he just knew.

“Yes. Who is this?”

The caller stated his name and the hospital at which he worked.

“You’re listed as the emergency contact for one of our patients.”

The backpack he had taken from Jean, his son, slid out of his hand and fell into a snowy puddle.

“Dad?”

Nino scrambled to grab the bag, slinging it over his shoulder. He grabbed Jean’s hand and started walking faster, listening closely to everything the hospital worker said.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Nino hung up and immediately ran his hands over his face, shoving his glasses out of the way.

“Was that about the man with blond hair?” Jean asked. He was in the kitchen, drying his backpack with the good kitchen towels.

“How do you know about him?” Nino asked, taking the backpack and emptying its contents on the table so he could properly wash it. He thought he had gotten rid of every physical sign of his Chat Noir years ago.

“Aunt Alya has pictures of you with him. She hides them when you come inside.” Jean started setting up his homework. “Are you mad at him?”

Nino considered this.

“I don’t know.”

“Is he okay?”

“I hope he will be, soon.”

Nino didn’t tell “Aunt Alya” why she needed to take Jean for the night, possibly longer. She didn’t ask, either, which surprised him, until he saw himself in a mirror. He looked like a man who was haunted.

* * *

“You know you shouldn’t have come,” Felix said when the door to his hospital room creaked open. He didn’t open his eyes.

“You know,” Nino said, walking over to sit on the bed, facing but not touching Felix, “you never said why you wouldn’t let me kiss you.”

Felix’s eyes still didn’t open. “We’re cursed.”

“Yeah, see, I started doing some research of my own after you ran off like a scaredy cat.” Nino felt the smallest bubble of pride when Felix’s lips twitched into what was undoubtedly a smile.

“And what did your research tell you?”

“If you die without breaking the curse in this incarnation, you won’t come back next time.”

His silence was all the confirmation Nino needed. Felix had known this.

“You were going to leave me to be born again and again without my partner and pair.”

“I was going to let you live without this curse.”

“Look at me, Felix.”

His eyes opened. They were glassy with tears.

Two heartbreaking syllables.

“Nino.”

“I’ve been waiting for this call for years. Since I started researching what could have made you think you needed to leave.” He shook his head. “No. Since the minute I knew you were gone.” Nino held out his hand. “Will you come back and stay with me?”

“Nino.” The name was like water on his dry lips. “If I stay, you suffer.”

“I’ve suffered more these years without you than any lifetime I’ve been the one cursed.” He shifted closer. “Will you please come home, Felix?”

He closed his eyes and took Nino’s hand.

“Will you do something for me first?”

Nino couldn’t tell whose hand was shaking harder.

“What do you need?”

Felix opened his eyes and pushed himself up until he was sitting with his forehead against Nino’s, their noses brushing and breath intermingling like it had the night they revealed their identities.

“Kiss me, Nino.”

And the curse was broken.

Until next time.

* * *

Felix moved in with Nino and Jean as soon as he was released from the hospital. Nino was nervous about the two of them meeting, but Jean accepted another father into his life with joy. Within a week, one of his favorite activities was reading with Felix. Within a month, he turned to Felix in the middle of one of their reading times and made him an offer.

“When Dad adopted me, he said I could call him Nino forever if I wanted, or wait until I was ready to call him Dad. So if you’re ready, I’ll call you Papa, or if you aren’t, I’ll keep calling you Felix.”

Felix looked to Nino where he was practicing on the piano. He knew Nino could feel his eyes on him because he started smiling, but he never looked over at them.

“I’m ready for you to call me Papa,” Felix said, “if you’re ready for me to call you _cuddle-bug_.”

The sound of Jean giggling and demanding that Felix call him “stink bug” exclusively, combined with Nino repeatedly playing the wrong notes while laughing at them was more than enough to convince Felix he had made the right choice.

Being with them was the right choice.

* * *

"I knew you'd come back," Nino whispered a few hours later, pulling Felix's glasses from his face and tossing a blanket over him where he slept on the couch. "You always have."

* * *

This was why the curse was so effective.

It could not end.

Because they could not be apart.

**Author's Note:**

> I am over at [cheeseeatingtrashmonster.tumblr.com](https://cheeseeatingtrashmonster.tumblr.com/) and I would be delighted if you stopped by and sent me pictures of your pets or a flower you saw or, like, some memes?


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